Happy Monday Earthly friends! I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend filled with flannel shirts, rolling around in leaves, slugging PSLs and watchin' fertball because—OPRAH VOICE—"Faaaaaall issssssssss heeeeeere!" And thank the Lord for that, right? That cool air just feels so good when it hits your lips/face/hair, etc.
Anyhow, I had big plans all weekend to write a killer Hilldog post for ya'll (Hilldog is my affectionate name for Sec. Clinton) but then, like, everyone else seems to have taken care of it for me. Editorials coming out for her up the wazoo. People being all "you know...she's kind of awesome and NOT just because she's not Trump. Because she's a life-long public servant, a bad-ass who won't quit, and actually seems somewhat moderate, which (gasp) might be something our deeply divided nation needs." I, for one, have always felt most comfortable with a passionate, hardworking nerd being in charge, including one that isn't lazy like me and needs to be told to take it easy when they're sick. I like intense people. I admire them.
And though I know Seth Meyers has already pointed this fact out brilliantly, I just have to reiterate that what I really REALLY dislike about candidate Trump is how much he manipulates his views and lies to the American public. It's gross. Hearing him speak when he's lying like that literally makes my skin crawl. And the sad truth is a lot of what Trump says is deplorable (which people point out constantly) and though I'm not, like, a Math major or anything I do think, what, 10 to....27% of the country actually believes in a lot of his racist, sexist "views"? (I don't know if you can actually call them views as I don't believe Trump has any other thoughts in his head other than MONEY, GET ON TV, SPRAY TAN, GET ON TV, HAVE PEOPLE TALK ABOUT ME, SPRAY TAN.) But yes, the fact that a portion of our country holds these upsetting views and therefore is attracted to Trump's candidacy is disturbing. I get that. It's been said a lot. But it shouldn't be that much of a shock, and you can often trace why. It's certainly not an act. It's a matter of education, upbringing (we usually share the same views as our parents, and their parents) and other factors, like, well, some people suck. But people aren't lying about it. It's what they think. And because I tend to view the world solely through the lens of Vanity Fair celebrity profiles (doesn't everyone?) I am reminded of the great Jennifer Garner quote from this year, in regards to her ex's potential new gigantic back tattoo. Garner said, where she comes from, people would look at that and just shake their head and say "Bless his heart." As in, "I feel badly for you. You are dumb and probably suffering. But you don't know better."** But Donald Trump is not that person. He does know better. And he still is comfortable saying racist, dangerous things, inciting hate and making false promises about how he, and he alone, can keep our country safe, as if ISIS can be solved with a little pixie dust or something.
My boyfriend and I went out for BBQ Saturday night, and then had the meat sweats, so we came home and put on an SNL re-run before bed like really cool people in their late twenties and early thirties are wont to do. And the Weekend Update did a segment where they shared a tweet of Trump's from 2012, right after President Obama spoke at Sandy Hook.
Looking at that tweet, I had the urge to cry and then break my boyfriend's television. Because, um....what was that Mr. Trump???? THAT is the kind of thing that really boggles my mind, and boggles my mind that any logical person can still support him, even though they're being lied to and manipulated so much. His ability to go from not only having an opinion that supports the President and sensible gun safety measures, but PUBLICLY sharing it, and then during this campaign to essentially change or refute so much of who he's been and what he's said....I mean, a gazillion other people have pointed this out much more eloquently than I just did, but...how can anyone not be alarmed by that? What does that indicate about a person's moral fiber?
But, whatever, I'm boring myself. I sort of feel like sharing one's thoughts on the election at this point is like talking about the dream you had last night (or not, and that's just how functioning democracies work? one or the other...) but I'm the type of person who always babbles on about their dreams so I'll just keep going!! But I am aware of the echo chamber that occurs when people who share all the same views talk about their views to those same people who share their views all the time and it's just like a hunky-dory hate fest 24/7 and we're never forced to actually think about anything outside our experience. (Quick thought: is THIS why Drake named his album Views?) Like, I literally planned to write even more than I already have on this matter...and then I'm like, well whose mind am I trying to change? I don't know many people who disagree with me. And the ones I do know, welp, they aren't changing their minds any time soon. They hate Hillary. It's made-up. So then I'm like, okay, but still, 100 million people are going to watch the debate tonight (I'm making debate tilapia) and of those people WHO THE FINKLE hasn't made up their mind? Who are these "undecided voters?" I'm fascinated by the mere idea of them. Is it more that they plan to NOT vote (don't understand) but maybe will at the last second? But to be on the fence about two candidates that are such a stark contrast in intellect, temperate, and MORALITY (also did I mention intellect?) makes me like...were Brad and Angie always a lie? Where is this video from the tarmac? I don't get it.
To continue on this topic of undecided voters and things that don't matter, I almost vomited all over my laptop the other day when I read that evil genius Kim Kardashian was "undecided" on the election. This was, of course, after speaking to her brilliant stepmom Caitlyn Jenner about politics. Caitlyn is a transgender woman who is supporting Donald Trump because she think he'll be a better President for women and trans people than Secretary Clinton, or something else that makes .000548% sense. I can't. I can't even.
I just don't understand people, man! Because I would have 100% more respect for Caitlyn Jenner, and frankly anyone supporting Donald Trump, if they were just like "um, actually I have a gazillion dollars (or even if they don't) and I think his tax policies will allow me to keep more of that to myself and that is my number one factor in voting, and thus I will vote for him." I mean, whatever. Fine. I don't have a gazillion dollars. (I know, I know, I work part-time at a shoe store so it's hard to wrap your head around this fact, but it's true.) So I truly do not KNOW what I would do in that position if I had that much money, and though I disagree with it and like to think I would stay fundamentally the same person I am now with the same Drake-Views, at least I can see some logical thought process there. "Me like money. Trump let me keep more of my money. Money still more important than hate mongering candidate's foreign policy background and hideous moral fiber and the fact that it appears he doesn't read. Money, money, money." Fine. But don't f-ing fool me with with this "Trump would be better for women" garbage, or "Trump is a straight talker" BULLSHIT. He's the OPPOSITE of a straight talker! (See above tweet.) There is literally so much smoke coming out of those people's asses when they say shit like that I can only think of calling the fire department, which of course makes me think one of my favorite, unheralded movies of all time, Frequency!
(Also, they're making this movie into a TV show?? Cray-cray. But seriously I love this movie and you should watch it.)
Anyway, back to Hilldog. I love her. I wanted to just write a whole post about her but the truth is I love her, and always have, sort of like in Braveheart. I wish I had been more open about it sooner (fine, that probably doesn't matter at all, whatever) but I feel like her "enthusiasm gap with voters" or whatever they're calling it, is partly people like me's fault, because the media has shamed us into wanting to hide the fact that her life and candidacy makes us excited, as if that's deeply uncool or something. But anyhow, I hope she crushes it tonight Bill Belichick style. I hope she just masterminds the shit out of Trump with her play-calling. I hope she feels as hot and captain-like in her pantsuit as Brady on his best day, and then if something is going wrong or she gets knocked down by Trump, she channels her inner Garoppolo and comes out of nowhere with some fire answers, and THEN if something else seems to not be going her way Hilldog pulls up her inner Jacoby Brissett, and is just like, I AM A POISED ROOKIE THIRD STRINGER, I AM UNSTOPPABLE LIKE THE 2016 PATRIOTS, COME AT ME AMERICA.
Really I just hope Mrs. Clinton goes with her gut and is like "I'm an ADULT and the only ADULT running for President. Enough with this bullshit, our country's problems are too big for it." Yeah, that should TOTALLY be her new campaign slogan. Anyway, good luck Hillary. I hope you do great, and afterwards that you curl up on the couch with a nice cup of tea and watch Frequency.
**Important PSA: I love Ben Affleck. Just want to make sure that's clear.
Hi! I'm Caroline.