Some thoughts on SJP, Ivanka and a good Divorce

I was so excited for the premiere of Divorce. Like many a woman who spent countless high school nights back in 2003 clutching a sharp-cornered, easter-egg colored plastic Sex and the City DVD box set and daydreaming about one day living in NYC, wearing a tutu and "working in PR", I consider the indelible Sarah Jessica Parker (aka SJP, aka perfume mogul/shoe mogul/Ferris’ wife) not only a national hero but...also, like...sort of a friend? (And yes, she—okay, fine her characters—kind of annoy me sometimes, too, but let’s be honest, all our friends annoy us, and we annoy them. HERLO, IT’S CALLED FRIENDSHIP.)  

But then I read the reviews of Divorce, because I’m a dork and I always read reviews, and they were all sort of….unenthused. Sort of meh. Sort-of-to-definitely cranky pants. They basically made it sound like Divorce was going to be really depressing and a total downer and that it would, like, make you feel—hypothetically—the way you would if the Republican nominee for President of the United States was caught on tape saying he enjoyed grabbing married women’s pussies and getting away with it and freaking MIKE PENCE of all people is going to have the nerve to still stand around taking long drawn-out pauses between sentences and talking about God and forgiveness and pretending that he’s okay with this shit?? (I really CAN'T with Gov. Pence. Because, yes, when stupid assclowns who are one step away from Robert Dursting their sons do sexist racist gross shit it really upsets me—duh—but what REALLY GETS ME GOING is the people around him, who SHOULD KNOW BETTER pretending it’s okay (I’m looking at you IVANKA WHY WHY WHY) ESPECIALLY when all they do is talk about how important their faith and morality are to them. Sorry Pence, but no, I don’t believe you think this is a good Christian man. Like, dude, come on.)

ANYHOW….back to Divorce! I watched it, and it’s so great! I loved it so much. So much, in fact, that I’m going to make a list about what I loved about it, because I heard that lists are cool and people like them? Like something about Buzzfeed or BJ Novak or something?

THINGS I LOVED ABOUT THE DIVORCE PILOT (duh, some vague spoilers ahead)

• It was created and written by the one and only Shay-Ho, aka Sharon Horgan aka the co-creator and co-star of Catastrophe.

    

• If you don't know what any of that means and haven’t seen Catastrophe yet it's probable that your life is going off the rails Ivanka-style, so please figure that shit out asap. It’s on Amazon Prime. It’s wildly funny and also so “real,” or whatever that thing is when you watch a show and are like “these people seem like actual people with human emotions and not like Ivanka Trump!”
• Did I mention how smart and funny and fucking amazing Sharon Horgan is? (Read The New Yorker profile on her which I would link to but Weebly sucks! It's great.)  She basically got SJP to return to television. She deserves medals and our love.
• Okay Divorce: I was snort-laughing on the reg during the first few minutes and then shit got SUPER DUPER tense and uncomfortable. My favorite combination of things!
• The pilot’s brief moments between Frances and her kids felt so wonderful and real (how many times have I written "real" in this post so far...), though I think if my mom was wearing that LOVELY blue coat SJP is rocking and waving goodbye to me on the bus with those highlights, I’d be a LITTLE nicer to her. Especially if we lived in that house.

• Speaking of, yay, real estate porn!
• I love Thomas Haden Church so much, his performance in Sideways is a highlight of the last twenty years in movies and never, ever gets old, and I think he’s great in this show. (I read something in some review about them not having chemistry? I don’t know, I think they do/but also seem like a couple on the rocks, aka the point of the show? It would be weird if they seemed totally N*SYNC.)
• I recently rewatched Sideways with my boyfriend and friend Charlotte before chatting up how hysterical the movie is, and we watched it and they were both like “um, this movie is fucking DARK as hell.” I was like “Um...it is? Wait, what?" 
• Speaking of accurate portrayals of close friendship, I love that moment between SJP and Talia Shire on the train—especially that look Talia gives SJP when she's going on and on about granola and O's with Jahmaine. (Yep, just accidentally called Talia Balsam Talia Shire. Gonna keep that in there.) Their friendship feels so good and gritty and I want more of it!
• “I can’t even think about eating pizza right now.” 
• The opening party sequence was INSANE and also vaguely reminded me of Mistress America, for the one other person reading this post who also saw that movie? (Wait, but actually is that the same house from Mistress America?)

• Molly Shannon is a national treasure and I’m so happy to see her on TV. I keep hearing how good she is in Other People, which I was pumped to rent and watch the other day but you can only buy it right now on iTunes. SAD!

• I thought Robert’s (aka THChurch) monologue to end the show was a highlight, if not a bit far-fetched toward the end. Because I’m a sicko but also because it seemed totally real (UH REAL), I loved when Robert accused Frances of being gang-banged (I literally snort-gasp-laughed out loud #SGLOL) but then it went a little too far into TV silliness for me. I feel like saying one is the Sandy to another person’s Jesse and that they will rise from the ashes to win another Oscar and get the nation's potent mix of love and pity on their side is something only a woman would ever say...but hey, I live with a man weeping over David Ortiz’s retirement who most certainly doesn’t remember how great Sandy looked when she won an Oscar in that sparkly column dress nor does he understand how much women HATE JESSE JAMES now. (Answer: they hate him with about 1/100 of the amount of hate that they hate Donald Trump, so, a lot.)
• The pilot was directed by Jesse Peretz whom I love and who has directed a lot of GIRLS episodes, including my all-time favorite GIRLS episode Beach House. But yah the cinematography is beautiful, and also, so many jewel tones! SJP is like a living, breathing jewel tone in this show. Also, I love snow! And the soundtrack!

• Feeling pretty pumped about the idea of marriage!
• It’s probably derivative and misleading to say this show is like if Sex and the City and Catastrophe had a baby with a dash of The Ice Storm/Marnie’s life in 20ish more years thrown in, but WHATEVER I THINK IT IS AND I LOVE IT and I can’t wait for more.